I don’t know what you’re going through but whatever it is you’re dealing with it the wrong way. I’ll tell you that much… Maybe it’s none of my business. If only you let me in… Let me know why you’re so distant. Why you shut me out they way you do. Whatever happened to your smile. Whatever happened to pretending to be okay. At least give me that much, pretend to be okay. Not for these words but for yourself, your future self.
I regret moments that just seemed to get away… Like not telling her how I felt in the afternoon sun. Even if she wanted to hear it, the words just wouldn’t vocalize. They were sitting still on my tongue along with the tiny hairs and taste buds so much so that they could be felt by a French kiss. A kiss from her would give me so much life I’d reincarnate as an eagle, flying about the skies.
Murmurs… Murmurs murmured unheard lies like she’d want me more if I stayed away and so I lied to myself and stayed away. She’d see me in the morning down the corridor on my way to class, our eyes locked from a distance. Undeclared love is still love and actions burst into song, singing love songs that’ll have you in tears like marriage proposals when men kneel as though begging for mercy in the face of barbarians. Powerless to their own intentions and giving in to their feels.
Behaved trashy last night (a long time ago really) and woke up with the fear of looking at myself in the mirror. I feared the reflection of a lesser man… Looking back at me like who the fuck is this? What made me feel this way made sense at the time and I loved it. I guess alcohol really does impair judgement. I should have stopped drinking after getting tipsy. I shouldn’t have drank at all, maybe alcohol isn’t for all of us but it’s so much fun. I’ve seen grown men crawling at the mercy of alcoholism and I thought to myself that could never be me, not that it was but I wouldn’t have sent out risky texts a sober man, especially not to exes.
Perhaps if I had let go earlier you’d think of me differently and not as some broken man. It is only your perception of me that alters everything and remember I can read minds. It’s not that we cut one another off. This is just how things are. The past belongs to the past. Mind games are childish. I’ve let go now, there’s no point in being indifferent. I don’t even reach out anymore.
May that which I’ve left behind haunt you forever as memories of what we once had. I know not where I’m headed but I’ll cross that bridge when I get there. Disoriented, I’ll get there if not for your wicked spells. I’ll arrive as a peasent begging a king’s mercy and leave having slain the same king. You thought you had killed my spirit, well, think again and if you thought I’d never find love after us, think once more. You were wrong, assuming you know who I am. Telling me I am something else when i’ve always known my black skin. I’ve always been myself and falling for us was not pretence although you had me wishing it was.
Thoughts as dark as night.
Behold a black moon.
The end of love and light.
As cold as Neptune.
Let’s all be alone.
As alone as darkness.
Darkness precedes light.
That’s something taboo.
Relationships are tiring.
I’m tired… As tired as light.
Tired from trailing darkness.
You know you never loved me.
You played me and used black magic.
That was the death of my heart.
We are the same you and I.
I’ve no conscience either.
Dumped and dumped in verses.
Verses about us, time and space.
Space came between us as it does
and time wouldn’t let us see forever.
Forever was but a dream sold by love and lust. Lust was the thought of you and love was the thought of us. Us… We were as inseparable as relationships. Nothing lasts forever but time and space.
We’ll forget about us but creation won’t. For we walked besides one another as lovers in love. The universe remembers… The universe remembers everything.
Everything, even thoughts and feelings. It’s greater than metaphysics and all philosophy. We felt love on the surface of our hearts, giving one another peace and understanding.
You still have it in you to feel. What you felt before you stopped feeling. Heartbreak feels surreal and so does being in love. Your dreams will come true and feel nothing like your subconscious.
Few things are as beautiful as we would like to think and fewer things give us life. Death is what happened within and faith will be your reincarnation. Sunsets and full moons symbolizing the end of stife with self. Good intentions are the absence of loss.
Like a feather is your heart. Don’t let them poison it and also don’t poison it yourself. Don’t let them win because they don’t want to see you happy. There is innocence in the world. Be that innocence. Make peace with the past.
Some of us were always meant to be fools in love. Accostumed to heartbreak so much so that we love more. We love more than we’ve ever been loved. Because if we’re all bitter who’ll love you and I but deities.
Teary eyes leaked her feels. Heartbroken, giving in to the flood inside. Her pain echoed beyond this realm. Echoing questions asking why she allowed herself to be played.
Weakened knees falling for gravity. Gravity mistaken for true love. It came prancing about as if it was.
Hiding it’s true colours, advancing as a rainbow.
A love so bottomless, so bottomless it’s not deep enough. Not deep enough for reciprocation. She loved love but all it was, was bursts of passion. It was not a bond she loved but a brick wall.
And then strength was all she knew.
Having made peace with being in the doldrums. She knew that she was her only way out. Alone with the loneliness of healing.
You can’t “die” on me.
I just don’t take things like that.
So there’s no debris.
It is of your imagination.
We don’t have to talk every day.
That would make things uninteresting.
We don’t have to talk for weeks.
We really don’t have to.
I could “die” on you.
If that’s how you feel.
Be free, breakaway and go with the wind.
It doesn’t have to be forced to be real.
Nothing holds us back from loving ourselves, for ourselves.
And also, nothing holds us back from loving others but others.